Split Ends

I have used the holy week as a detoxification period. A few more days I will be free of this addiction. I have to end this quickly before the withdrawal symptoms kick in.
A number of people have noticed I have been weirder than usual. I have been hanging out in places where I should not be, having more frequent mood swings, and have achieved newer levels of laziness. And most of the time I speak gibberish. At least I have something to blame.
How do I get rid of an addiction? There is a method where one takes in critical doses to reach the saturation point. It is basically stuffing yourself with the substance until you get sick of it. Well, there is a risk to this, since it may cause instant death. Fortunately, this worked for me.
To help me cope, I have found alternatives, much like a nicotine patch. I probably would not have survived without them.
All in all, the experience was much more than a pain. I have learned quite a few bits from it. I have also handled the situation better than last time (no assasination attempts, theft, or ugly rumors).
I now say goodbye to a previous semester of split, I hope.

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Case 18: Talk Etudes

I usually do not start a conversation and I really want to be the one that would end it. But in your case, I always find myself breaking these self-imposed rules. Just like with my violin, I have to initiate so that I can hear a sound.
Talking to you for the first time was quite painful. I never liked the awkwardness and the stupidity of it. But, as time went by, my fingers formed calluses and my neck adapted to the contours.
The first few notes are horrible, and I simply laugh at them with frustration. Jokes are great icebreakers, but I cannot play "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" forever. With a lot of practice I was able to play real music.
But practice should be continuous, because the skill easily fades out. Finding time was hard, finding courage, the harder. Every time I start again, I needed to warm-up first to the simplest etudes before I can play Vivaldis.
Despite all the hassle, I am still much into it. I embrace every complexity, the staccatos, pizzicatos, and harmonics. Amidst the nervousness, I am excited for the next lesson, the next piece, and the next conversation.
Split.
I guess I can compare anything to anything. On separate occasions I compared Jesus to a housefly, my family to the solar system, and myself to dental floss.

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Case 17: Lacking Affection

A few weeks ago, I got the results of one of the guidance tests I took. I think it was the FIRO-B™ test, short for Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation-Behavior. It basically explains how a person relates to others based on their needs of inclusion, control, and affection. It supposedly measures (in a scale of 0-9, 9 being the highest)how much these three are "wanted" from and "expressed" to others. Surprisingly, I got a zero for expressing affection.
I was surprised not because I disagree with the results. Some people even say that it was typical of me. I admit, expressing affection is never my forte. I was particularly surprised because it is zero, which seems like I do not express any affection at all. And that bothered me a bit. I looked for explanations.
How does one normally express affection? If the answer is through simple acts of kindness, thoughtful gestures, and caring words, then yes, I do not express any affection at all, normally.
Does one technically express affection without the knowledge of the object of affection? Obviously not. That is why it is impossible to love (the Scott Peck kind) a rock, a goldfish or someone unaware of it.
Can one express affection without feeling affection? I guess it has to be sincere or at least, voluntary. Otherwise, that is an incredibly unselfish act. Or, that is merely a scheme in the plot of Cruel Intentions 4.
And so, I concluded, the test was correct. And you were right.
Split.
I scored 5 for wanting affection. I am in middle-ground, which means, I would like to live with it, but would rather live without it.

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Case 16: Omitted

What doe it mean when ne gets oittd? Does i mean one as been unntentioally forotten or deliberately eraed?
Perhaps etting omittd is a staement. It is a way of expresing things tha usally annot be blurted out easily, lie love and hate. Sometmes, there is no poit to it. It is just a lae wa to attract attention. Because the tings that oftn get noticed re the things unsai.
Probaby gettng omitted is lucy, or unlucky chanc. I is someting unplannd and unknowingly done. It is a slip of the rain, a andom hman mitake, a typograpical error. It is brught by ate. There is reall no use in cmplaining abot it, it meely happens. Because a uge prt of one's lfe are by-poducts of coincidence.
Or mybe gettig omitte is a fusion of both. It could be an acciden wit a purpose or the purpos is accidental. There could be some inviible fore that contrivd for this thig o happen. One falls fr this type of wishul thinking. One cannot den that these events are just cnseqences of our choices, however seendipitous they may seem. Yet one prefers to believe oterwise, becuse in some insaely weir way, it makes one feel special.
Split.
Some omissions are necessarily random and randomly necessary.

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Case 15: Little Kid

I saw you getting all giddy over it. I saw the excitement in your eyes. You proudly told me about it. Then I knew I had to do something to wipe that big smile off your face.
It was as simple as stealing a piece of candy from a child.
I knew doing that would only hurt you, but I did it anyway. I just could not stand the idea of making you happy. That is the last thing I want.
So I went through with it, nervously, imagining your disappointed look. It is immature, petty, and cruel, but causing you pain gives me a sense of fulfillment.
In a quick fashion I took away from you the source of your glee. I did it without regret or the tiniest bit of guilt.
And I will continue hurting you until you break. I want to see you cry. Only your tears would bring me true satisfaction.
Split.
Through this cowardly way I assert my existence.
You were right. I am just a little kid like you.

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Case 14: Mistaken Identity

Maybe it is because of the tiny resemblance in your looks, attitude, and behavior. I get confused and suffer a mild case of mistaken identity. I know it is unfair, but I cannot help but treat you as a mere substitute for someone else.
And now I am doubting whether I know you at all. Are you really who I think you are, or are you who I want you to be? Do I want to know the real you?
And it is sick. It is the lowest form of parasitism. It is murder. I will continue to pathetically survive clinging to that idea.
And it will only end if both of you confront me at the same time. Then I will have to choose whom to discard.
Split.
How does someone lose their identity? They lose it in other people. Just like how you lost yours in me.
How does someone gain their identity? They gain it in other people. Just like how I gained mine in you.

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