Thursday, January 24, 2008

Case 45: You're So Great

The previous months have been crazy and my senses were treated to unnerving stimuli: the eerie brightness of Cape Town, the warmth of whiskey as it scratches my throat, and the news I heard about you. All of which brought a similar feeling, something between pangs of dread and stabs in the chest.
[November 26, 2007 - 7:00 PM] It is summer, but the heat of the sun is counteracted by cold winds, just like how my Lariam-induced paranoia is counteracted by my Lariam-induced suicidal thoughts. The long days do not help with my jet lag. During my bouts of insomnia I peer outside my hotel window and look at the deserted sidewalks. Slowly the sky begins to darken and lamp posts are turned on, shining light on the empty streets.
[December 25, 2007 - 5:00 PM] Brandy, wine, and whiskey bottles stand on the table, waiting to be emptied. As they share drinks and stories, I decided to taste the liquor I bought. It was delicious and painful at the same time. I wonder if I will metabolize alcohol or smell it in my urine like coffee. I might never know since I already act drunk when I am sober.
[January 24, 2008 - 3:00 PM] My yearly habit has proven ignorance is bliss. Yet, I continue with my addiction even if I regret knowing in the end. I sometimes denied what I heard last time, hoping it was a mistake (technically it might be). But now, I am introduced to undeniable proof, and I lost all hope.

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