Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Itchy

The body sometimes reflects the current state of mind in the form of a psychosomatic illness. Since I am inept at expressing my feelings, they often manifest as fever, aches, or hives.
The first case in my memory was when we were still playing with Monopoly houses and Pog cards. This was right after I committed a felony (I lost my last shred of innocence by kindergarten), and just before I lost my brother. I woke up with a really high fever when you left. As if my body predicted we will never meet again. (I have serious abandonment issues.)
Several events after that, my emotions essentially plateaued. Joy, anger, love, hate and horror felt the same: a tightness in the chest and lingering pain. Half of the diseases I contracted were probably mere conversion reactions and drugs are placebos that made me feel well by making me feel good. Why am I bringing this up now you may ask.
Well, recently I am experiencing an annoying symptom--a rash--within proximity of someone. I initially suspected my allergy (I am hypersensitive to cream and citrus) until I acknowledged feelings as the cause. Just like my body told me you were gone, it also tells me someone is right around the corner. In a way it is the same thing, and I remembered.
Read the whole thing.