Case 10: Misery Finds Company

The whole idea of group therapy and crab mentality can be encapsulated in the ancient cliché, "misery loves company". I have been feeling miserable for the last couple of weeks, due to stress from cramming reports and papers, juggling overlapping org activities, and dealing with virus infections (both the medical and cyber varieties). What makes it worse is the loneliness that keeps on increasing at an alarming rate.
Sometimes, misery is just too unbearable when there is nobody to share it with. More depressing is when what makes you miserable is the fact that you are lonely. And then, you cannot pity yourself because that would only make you more pitiful.
A proven remedy for that might be looking for someone who is more miserable, or make someone more miserable, than you. Knowing someone is feeling worse momentarily makes you feel better. And that is fine.
The problem is, you cannot stop yourself from doing the opposite. Being with that someone has only made you lonelier than being alone.
Two days ago you asked me your usual stupid question and I gave my earned stupid answer. I was tempted to also ask a stupid question but I stopped myself. I should learn to stop doubting our friendship. It seems that we share more similarities than I thought.
And in some weird way that makes me feel less lonely. Then, I remember I still have to cram reports and papers, juggle overlapping org activities and deal with virus infections.

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Case 9: The Unbelievable Truth

It is a classic case of the boy who cried wolf. I tell a couple of obvious lies and the third statement, which happens to be true, will also be passed off as a lie. It is often fun to watch you languish not knowing the truth, even if I already said it.
Sometimes, it is just too random. I start off with some secondhand info, patch it up with my assumptions, trim it down with a few understatements, then adorn with some exaggerations. Or, I can tell you what I heard word for word. Usually, you find it easier to believe my version.
Then, I can confuse you by citing references, conspiring with credible people, inserting sarcastic comments and jokes, sandwiching between two far-fetched facts, or by admitting that I am lying. That is enough to keep you guessing for days.
It has become a habit, no, a compulsion. It is yet to backfire, since now it is still working.
There will come a time you will figure it out, which you (regrettably) usually do. Then you might also realize this mechanism's true purpose... or probably not. The truth is out there, pick one.

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Case 8: Déjà Vu

I was late for my Philosophy class yesterday because I got stuck in a dream. It was the first time I dreamt of us together. I enjoyed the feeling of being with you. I lingered for a few minutes before waking up with a start.
As I rushed to get dressed I remembered a discussion I had with my roommate about déjà vu. I was a little surprised that he also experiences cases of déjà vu and that each time he remarks with some certainty, "I dreamt about this before..."
I think you know where I am getting at. Yes, I am hoping that dream was a premonition. You might say I have not yet woken up. I know it is not good to dwell too much in dreams, especially those that are improbable to happen. It might cause problems bigger than being late for class.
But, when the desire is great, one cannot help but believe that some dreams do come true. One clings to that idea however painful it can be.
How can an artificial world created by my mind converge with reality? I think it requires more than sheer determination. It also depends on you. Until that day comes, I am left waiting for that rare case of déjà vu.

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Case 7: Eating Alone

I wonder if there really are people who cannot eat alone, or allow themselves to be seen eating alone in the caf or restaurants. Perhaps, American movies and tv shows have exaggerated the teen's preoccupation to belong to a specific clique that he must hang out with during lunch. I am forced to eat lunch alone everyday at Manang's due to my food scholarship (yes, there is such a thing as free lunch) since freshman year. I could not always bring friends with me because they complain about the distance. There are a few advantages of having someone with you when eating there.
First, he can save you seats while you order. I had experienced difficulty with this since Manang's is usually packed and I cannot always bring a bag with me. Next,...
well that's the only advantage I can think of.
Of course, being with someone saves you from being tagged a loner or (to gently put it) someone without friends. For some people, that might be unacceptable. But this may only apply if you are living inside a US teen movie or tv show. Perhaps the real advantage is that you are inserting objects in your mouth seated with a person you are comfortable with and not with a bunch of strangers.
Eating with someone is not always pleasant. Sometimes, I feel compelled to start a conversation when all I want to do is concentrate on my food. I have to choose between nonsense chitchat and awkward silence. And then, there is that annoying unwritten rule where we have to wait for everyone else's food to be ready before one can start eating. And then, we have to wait for everyone else to finish eating before one can leave. Breaking this rule earns one dangerous glares, as if all our stomachs are synchronized to digest together.
So next time we meet again there, you will understand why I prefer to eat on an empty table than with you.

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